Monday, March 19, 2012
Bethenny Knows Best
So, I hope this post doesn't come off too negative, but according to Bethenny, it doesn't matter as that's not what the "place of yes" is about!
To be honest, I haven't finished this book because I started reading it yesterday, and after only a few chapters, I'm into it. Bethenny described a few terms that made me realize that I totally relate to her and have some of the same struggles. To begin with, she describes a certain term of "noise", which is the clutter that is controlling our mind which enables us to clearly hear our "voice".
Wow, I've never thought of it that way, but it completely makes sense. Bethenny then explains that a person can have "noise" in any aspect of their life: relationship noise, friendship noise, professional noise, eating noise, and so on. Again, wow. To me, I've been aware of this for many years, but it felt good reading it and putting a name to all of my feelings.
So, where is all of my noise currently located? I would have to say relationship & professional noise, which are some of the most important areas to feel secure in, and I bet most people can relate to that area.
I think it says something that I decided to start reading A Place of Yes, on a Sunday afternoon while my boyfriend was napping right next to me. I'm stressed... Owning my own business is hard... Not because my job is hard, but because it is internally stressful. I don't have any support system or a team to rely on for help.. It's just me, and if you know me, I always put too much pressure on myself. So when I should be relaxing, I'm stressed and I don't allow myself to enjoy things... So I started reading because it made me feel like I was accomplishing something.
In regards to my relationship noise, this is no surprise to me. Not too long ago I told someone that I must have done some amazing things in my previous lives, because I currently have such a blessed life; except for one thing: I must have been a fucking cheater, because I have such a tortured relationship life. Okay, Okay. I know that not all my love relationships were horrible and I always learn a valuable lesson, but I am tortured when it comes to being intimate with people, even if it's self induced. BUT the good news about this information, is that I've already started to hear my voice!!! Without even reading Bethenny's book, I've been living by her advice. For instance, in efforts to clear my relationship noise, I got off Facebook.. This allowed me to not be so insecure or jealous by other people's actions.. I also began to date more, which allowed me to be exposed to new and exciting experiences, with taught me a lot about myself... BUT the most important thing that I did was recognize that I had a problem, and it wasn't anyone's but MINE. So many times people (myself included) try and start a relationship with someone with the notion that the other person will "fix" them. Let me tell you, it doesn't work. The only person who is responsible for dealing with insecurities or jealousy issues, is YOU! Of course you need a supportive partner, but not THE support. Trust me, I know from experience... A lot of experience.
I know I still have a lot of noise in my life, but I have found a small part of my voice. If you are struggling finding your voice, trust me, it's worth all the pain to discover it. It takes a lot of work and great amounts of humility, but once you achieve it then the rewards are worth it.
Where does your noise come from and what are you going to do to get rid of it?