Monday, November 28, 2011

Free Life

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."

Lately, I've been feeling like I'm strapped into the sling shot and I'm in the process of being pulled back. I don't know how long I'll be pulled back, or as I want to refer to it as preparing.

I feel like I've been preparing for something my entire life, but I'm not sure of what it is. I've learned that it is important to appreciate the lessons life produces and one way I remind myself, is by getting tattoos. I got this tattoo earlier this week. Each line is a word in morse code; the bottom two are the new editions. They mean 'free life'.

I'm so proud of this tattoo, because I never envisioned myself of having a free life. I thought I'd only display certain versions of myself to certain people, for the entirety of my existence. I don't like to think I lived a lie, I like to think I artfully danced around a lot of subjects, which is also ironic, because that just sounds gay. Regardless of how I acted in the past, I'm only focused on my future, which at the moment is very uncertain. I'm on the cusp of something. Something big. I don't know what it is yet, but I've learned if you take the chance to open yourself up to life, it has a beautiful way of paying off. I'm prepared to learn lessons, get hurt, and reap every single benefit.

Bottoms up (that's funny for two reasons),

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Giant Birthday

Well, here we are again. Another wonderful birthday celebration for my, very youthful, mother who will make 49 in a few days! It still amazes me how much our family has grown. It just started with my beautiful parents and now we are fully equip with a new sister and two very special angels! Hopefully, before long, we will have another sister in law and other small editions. I'd like a gay-be one day! Until then, I'm so thankful for every moment I get to spend with my family. Of course there are arguments and misunderstandings, but at the end of the day, we are one. We always unite and survive! Happy birthday mom!

Phewww, with that out the way, let's discuss the obvious situation: I'm a giant hoovering over my entire family. Maybe Eddie will surpass me one day? At least I'm not growing out...


Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Defining moments

In response to the, ever impending, Thanksgiving holiday I've been very reflective the last few days; not on the things I'm thankful for (family, friends, possessions), but on the moments I'm thankful for.

Have you ever been in a situation, so beautiful, that you are simply in awe? You may think, "this is my life... wow, this is my life"? I have. There aren't many, but the moments I have experienced like that, are the most memorable moments of my life.

Here's one:

Circa 2010, somewhere near Tallahassee, Florida. Vanessa and, her partner-in-crime, Gypsy.

This day was especially beautiful for me, because my soul was exposed. I felt stripped down to my bones, with the entire world to see. Something about being next to a huge body of water reminds me of how small I actually am. I don't feel invincible, or even resilient. I feel thankful that I'm privileged enough to be sitting next to the ocean. In addition to my revelations, I was with someone who had an even greater appreciation of this short life we are granted.

On the surface, Vanessa is a very sexy Cuban attorney. In reality, Vanessa is a 85 year old Jewish lady, with more wisdom than Buddha's left toe. Vanessa's ability to exude her appreciate for life, is intoxicating. I always get drunk on her laughter and wiser from her words, and with this and the combination of the ocean, this day will forever be impressed on my emotions.

I'm collecting these moments, like a hoarder collects used condoms. This is what I'm thankful for.

Garrett Paul

Monday, November 21, 2011

Bucket List Photo Recap

BL #1: Got into LSU's MSW program!

BL#2: Phoenix, Arizona! I felt like I was walking in an oven. I probably won't go back in the summer.

BL# 5: Best. Moment. Ever. If I could even begin to explain the pureness that free falling evokes, I would. Easiest resolve: GO SKY DIVING!

BL#10: That's right. I posted this.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Going home = Constipation

For some reason, I woke up this morning missing my parents. I got to go home and relax and get an amazing grilled cheese. I'm fat and happy!

Bipartisan Libido

(Photo: Erin, Jenny, Me!)
One of my favorite people in the world is, Ms. Jenny Jacox. Something about our personalities allows us to strip down all insecurities, worries or thoughts and enable us to be ourselves. We are weirdos to the highest extent. I honestly don't know what I would do if Jenny wasn't in my life.

We started the evening by going to see Twilight's Breaking Dawn pt. 1. The movie was very enjoyable, especially when we started laughing uncontrollably at the most serious part of the movie. Priceless. Next, we got dinner, then moved to drinks.

This is where things get interesting:

Have you ever came across a person, or situation, that you couldn't mentally compartmentalize? Meaning, you couldn't fit the incident into a filling cabinet in your brain. The information is there, and understandable, but you don't know what to do with it. Well, Jenny and I had this happen. His name was Michael.

Is Michael gay or straight? I don't know, I don't know. Not cute! (Sorry, a small Spartan cheerleaders joke.) The fact is, Michael is cute, engaging and intelligent. He was also hitting on both of us, in a very nice confusing and respectable way. For instance, he told me that I was a beautiful man. Yet, he told Jenny that he loved her smile, while hugging her and looking into her eyes. Our initial thought was: straight men do not compliment other men in that way. However, gay men don't look into women's eyes; they compliment them on their outfit. (Yes, I know this is a stereotype, but stereotypes come from somewhere!)

Regardless of who Michael was interested in, Jenny and I weren't interested in him. Not in a romantic way, at least. Jenny and I love meeting 'randoms' at bars. It is innocent and always yields a funny story.

This lead me to this thought process:

Where does Michael fit in my head= It doesn't matter because I'm not looking for anyone (I GOT MY AB!)= It still bothers me, but why?= This is a really funny= Michael is so ambiguous= I'm back to my second though: it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter, because he was fun and refreshing. As mentioned before, when Jenny and I hang out something magical happens. (Here I go with the narcissism again!) With our powers combined, we create and fun carefree atmosphere, and eventually attract those types of people. So, Michael was just being his confusing, conflicting self. Who cares?! He was enjoying himself. One of my favorite qualities about people, is their ability to 'let it go'. I'm happy that we got to meet him, even if he doesn't know which body parts gets his libido going. Good for him. He was being himself, and really there isn't anything else one can be.

Cheers, for being like Michael!

- Garrett

P.S. I don't know if this is going to be something I do on every post, but here is an article! It is comparing Twilight to the Bible. Weird, I know.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Year of mediocrity, at best.

I started this year with the notion that it would be mediocre, at best. Between coming out of the closet, job loss and desperately trying to find my place in this world, 2010 was one of my toughest years. With my low expectations for 2011, I didn't leave any room for disappointment. Frankly, my last 5 years have been somewhat challenging. Although, something strange happened this year. Something very out of the norm. I'm happy. After years of self-reflection and soul searching, I've found my happiness. I'm typically not very boastful, but isn't that what blogs are for? Narcissism = Popular. Much like, Vampire = Popular. Same concept.

Even though my intentions aren't to brag about my life, or even have followers; it's merely about, me. It's my life. The good and the bad, that I want to document. If you can't handle reading about topics that range from pay-per-mile tax* to anal sex, then you should probably follow another blog.

With the disclosures out of the way, let's start!

If you're like, I'm a very visual person. So, at my lowest point last year I made a bucket list. I wrote it in permanent marker on the back of a painting. I figured the harder it was to erase, the more likely I would accomplish the items. At the very bottom of the painting, I put: Pursuit of Happiness.

I believe, that one's happiness is constantly changing and evolving. One of my favorite lyrics is from Fiona Apple's "Extraordinary Machine": "I'm good at being uncomfortable so I can't stop changing all the time".

Normalcy freaks me out. If my life is "text book", then I've disappointed myself.

Enjoy your time here!